Tom Bisley

Thomas Bisley is not a boy with a bowtie; he is simply a bowtie with a boy hanging off it. This symbiotic relationship can be more accurately represented by the following mathematical formula:

Did you know that the blue whale produces sounds up to 188 decibels, which is the loudest sound produced by a living animal and has been detected as far away as 530 miles? Well, you would, if you were Thomas Bisley.

But that's Sir Thomas Bisley to you -- if you happen to hail from the future. Hello, welcome, please come in. Chances are you've probably travelled here using the time machine Tom invented, sometime in his late 20s. So what are you waiting for? Shut that blue door behind you and kneel before your new cyborg overlord-overlord.

By the way, did you know Santa Claus was given an official pilot's license in 1927? Of course you wouldn't, cos you're dum-dum.

Tom's morning routine, and boy is it a routine, consists of reciting the geological time scale, with a break in the Ordovician to pay respect the passing trilobites. He likes dinosaurs and planets and volcanoes and chess, especially chess, but it does get boring winning all the time-time.

Did you know that livestock accounts for some 15% of human-induced greenhouse gas emissions? That's why Tom doesn't eat meat, and why you shouldn't either.

Yet behind this complex tapestry of intelligence is also a cheeky creature of instinct, who will not pass up an opportunity to slide a fart cushion under your butt in class. Then follows the obligatory giggle™ -- oh my God the giggle™ -- It wouldn't be Tom if you didn't hear the giggle™.

DISCLAIMER: Tom has not seen Young Sheldon, and is not aware that CBS has been making a documentary about him without his consent. There's got to be a lawsuit in there somewhere, right?